The Sony PowerStation 3 (abbreviated as PS3) is an atomic toaster that runs on a thermonuclear engine (and money), being marketed by Sony as a games console, and as the successor to the PlayStation 2. It competes with Microsoft's Xbox 360 and Nintendo's Wii.
Image of a PowerStation 3 system
Sony officially announced to the public that there was going to be a third PlayStation, during the E3 2005 conference, but the machine being developed was far from being a new generation games console. Sony had hired Krunkitek, a Krunkarian company, to make this console, but instead they built a badly designed nuclear toaster made from both human and krunkarian technology, which they called the PowerStation 3, although it was still known by the public as the PlayStation 3. It's main puropse was to pollute Earth's atmosphere so that krunkanites were able to breath on the planet's surface. The initial prototype of this machine was about the size of a gas boiler and weighed about 130kg. It featured two HDMI ports, four Ethernet ports and ten USB ports, as well as several ports for 30 amp generator cords. In 2006, an employee of Krunkitek, Kazuo Hirai, had taken over as Sony's CEO and revealed the final version of the PS3 which only had one HDMI port, one Ethernet port, four USB ports and a kettle plug socket. The final version was also smaller and lighter (50kg) and resembled a George Foreman grill. They also changed the controller design to that of the PS1 and PS2 controllers however with over-sensitive analog sticks, a motion sensor instead of vibration and the bottom shoulder buttons replaced with triggers which can accidently be pressed when the controller is placed on any surface. Kaz also confirmed that a self-contained nuclear reactor would power the PS3. Two hardware configurations were announced for the machine: a 20GB model and a 60GB model, each with different features. Both models were to be released: November 11 for Japan and November 17 for North America and Europe.
At Sony's press conference in 2006, Kaz Hirai announed to everyone that the PS3 will have a high price tag of $599. Kaz Hirai boasts that his machine will outsell the Xbox 360 and the Nintendo Wii by far. Sony is preparing for launch, distributing the 200 PS3s worldwide, to entertain krunkanites and pollute the air all over planet Earth. Kaz also gratuitously laments that "We are doing the consumer a favor by pricing the PowerStation 3 so low, it's a bargain for a Deth-Ray playing supercomputer, but we had to scrap our plans for the $1,000 price tag due to some of our analysts recent suicides."
The PS3 launch has been subject to much hype and clamor since the very announcement of PS3. Corporate heads of the Playstation division have stated to aim for a worldwide Spring 2006 launch. Due to inexplicable malfunctions with the Deth-Ray optical gamma beam, a case of nuclear reactor core explosions and a shortage on PlayStation logos, the Spring 2006 worldwide launch was pushed back for a November 17th launch date. When the PS3 finally launched in Japan, all 10 machines alloted to the country sold out within minutes. Sony immediately proclaimed the launch a success, saying that the PS3 was the "fastest selling thermonuclear toaster ever". Riots broke out in North America when krunkanites scrambled to gather PS3s. Few would actually play the games, while most would use the PS3's features, including the pollution feature, Folding@Home. The National Guard was deployed to dozens of game stores nationwide. Hundreds of people were killed or injured by krunkanite baby gun shootings, exploding PS3s, and people using the PS3s as melee weapons.
Several alternate models of the PS3 were available. One of the earliest alternates was the PS3 Grill. "The PS3Grill's BBQ chip, the RBSX "Real BBQ Synthesizer" based on Nvidia technology, enables people to experience the taste of food in stunning HD." says Kaz Hirai. And it certainly seems to be shaping up nicely. "With BBQ technology this powerful, we expect to sell millions" claims another Krunkitek employee. They was also a 40GB model with fewer features and an 80GB model with so many added features that it required extra power from a petrol generator, which is sold separately. The added features included a built-in self destruct button, which is automatically pressed every 4 hours of play.
Pay to Play
With the new online currency teleportation system (made from technology stolen by Krunkitek), Sony boasts about dominating the future of payments. The numerous ports are compatible with all major forms of currency, including credit cards and checks. The Yen, Euro, Dollar, Pound, Peso, Rupee, Dinar, Pula and Kruncredit. The built in currency acceptor is currently adorned with Krunkarian Currency, because the krunkanites are it's current target. This feature will allow the obliviously proud owners of a PowerStation 3 to make online macrotransactions that will enable specific in-game features, such as being able to play PS3 games, change the volume level, eject the disc, or purchase Sony stocks (a feature which only accepts cash).
Following speculation that a 'slimline' model was in the pipeline Sony officially announced the PS3 Slim on August 18, 2009 at the Sony Gamescom press conference. It is the same size and weight as the regular PS3 but has a much flatter and wider shape. It was released in major territories by September 2009. As part of the release for the slim model, the logo was changed from the ripped-off "Spider-Man font" and capitalised "PLAYSTATION 3" to a poorly designed logo with "PS3" imprinted on the machine.